


Compassion's End

by Indigo_Rose_227



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: "I will never forget you", Betrayal, Character Death, Cole is sick of Solas's BS, F/M, Helpful Cole (Dragon Age), Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Sad Ending, Spirit Cole (Dragon Age), Suicide, The hurt we felt when Solas left, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 16:08:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indigo_Rose_227/pseuds/Indigo_Rose_227
Summary: Inquisitor Ellana Lavellan can't go on anymore. She asks Cole to help her with one final request. The spirit of compassion agrees and gets Solas to help him. Whether the Dread Wolf wants to or not.***CHARACTER SUICIDE*** This story does not have a happy ending.I wrote this to work out some of the hurt and betrayal I felt on behalf of my Elven Inquisitor.If you are in crisis right now or just need emotional support please check the bottom of this story for national hotline numbers.You are not alone.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor & Solas, Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel/Female Inquisitor, Fen'Harel/Female Lavellan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 61





	Compassion's End

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my hard drive for two years. I finally finished Trespasser last month and needed to finish this story. The pain my Inquisitor experienced resonated with me. Thank you for reading. I hope it's somehow cathartic for you to read as it was for me to write.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“A mask weighted too heavy. Cracking, splitting, but must be held on. I can make it another day, but will I survive the night?”

Solas turns towards the voice behind him and smiles at the familiar spirit. A smile that is not met.

“What brings you to see me Cole?” he asks.

Cole is silent for a moment, absently fingering the medallion that prevents others from binding him. A habit he has picked up since defeating Corypheus when the magister failed to take him over.

“You need to see Ellana,” Cole states.

Solas stiffens and his eyes darken with a storm of emotions. He has not seen the Inquisitor since the Exalted Council two years ago. Not since she disbanded the Inquisition and vowed to save him.

“You know that is impossible for me,” he says, getting ready for the same speech they’ve exchanged hundreds of times.

“You _will_ see Ellana,” Cole interrupts, folding his arms.

The spirit’s eyes burn into his. There is a new look he hasn’t seen before. A deeper urgency. Solas grits his teeth and looks out over the balcony. His league of followers is coming along well. Most of the elves of Orlais and Ferelden have made it, and it is only a matter of time before ships from Kirkwall and Tevinter begin to pour in. They are mostly city elves but, to his surprise, a few Dalish clans have also joined ranks under his banner. Soon he can begin see his plan to fruition.

“This isn’t something that I ask lightly,” Cole says, his voice becoming gentler. “She _needs_ to see you one last time.”

Another shake of the head, and a loud sigh escapes Solas’ lips. Cole doesn’t understand what he is asking. Solas has taken such pains to not interact with the former Inquisitor since the elven ruins. He cannot let her derail his vision. Not when he is so close to achieving what he’s been fighting for these past millennia.

“I can’t,” he repeats.

“Why do you torment her then?” Cole asks bluntly.

Solas turns and stares, mouth agape, at his friend. Cole’s head is bowed; eyes obscured by his large brimmed hat.

“She sees you in her dreams. You come often to watch her. She calls to you, sings, cries, begs, and yet you never come closer. If she tries to pursue then you disappear. Why do you do that?” Cole presses.

“I-I,” Solas stammers.

“Aching. Needing. Wanting her embrace. If only I released my pride, but I am trapped as well. I cannot leave her, but I cannot be with her,” Cole says quietly, pulling the thoughts so easily from Solas’ mind. “Maybe if I see her one last time I can let go, but once is never enough.”

Cole raises his chin, and his eyes meet Solas from across the room. They are softer this time and filled with sadness. Are those tears?

“She needs this as much as you do,” he says simply, “and she promises this will be the last time she ever asks.”

His resolve cracks, and against his better judgment Solas agrees to do as the spirit asks.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Fade is especially beautiful tonight. Solas stands under the glow of a dream moon and looks out over a meadow. Brightly colored flowers dapple the grass and there is the sound of a rushing stream nearby. It is a place he has not visited before, and he wonders what mysteries are held in this magical place.

Cole stands by him like a father watching his child going off to school. He has instructed Solas on his dress and told him that he was to just interact with Ellana. And under no circumstance is he to run away.

Solas feels strangely compelled to do as he asks. Cole’s words are so earnest that it intrigues Solas, and so he will act through this scene. Although to say it is only for Ellana’s benefit is a farce on his part. Deep down he wants to see her, to touch her, at least one last time.

His eyes scan the scenery, and when he catches sight of her he can’t help but gasp. She is just as beautiful as he’d ever seen her. Her soft platinum hair falls in waves down her back; free from her usual ponytail. She wears a simple white gown that gathers at her waist and billows out to give an ethereal look. A bridal gown. Solas reminds himself to breathe.

She beams a large smile at him, glorious and bright. Her cheeks are bare which swells his heart with pride. She views herself as free just as he does. Her left hand reaches up to push a strand of hair from her face, and he sees that it is intact and healthy. Her eyes fix on him, and she raises her hand to wave happily. The Anchor is gone as well.

“Solas!” She calls happily breaking into a run.

He is caught off guard, but he doesn’t move when she wraps her arms around his neck.

“Ma vhenan,” she whispers placing small kisses on his throat.

He stiffens in her arms, but it takes only moments before he melts into her embrace. He misses her, and he has forgotten just how right she feels in his arms. The fade changes and suddenly he is on top of her in a soft bed. Kisses become hotter, more urgent. Just like the kisses they had exchanged long ago in the fade these left him reeling with hunger and primal need. His fingers find the laces of her bodice and he begins to pull them open. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, but he’s been aching for this for so long.

They make love for the first time. He is swept up in the moment and feels the need to quench the desire he’s been holding for the last four years. Solas is overwhelmed at how this feels so _right. _The feel of her pale skin in his hands, her breasts under his tongue, and her hot sheath around him. If he would let himself go, he would happily die by her side so long as they were able to be together.

_‘We could make this work,’ _the thoughts bursts in his mind, and he struggles to push them back down. The voice is stronger than before, and he struggles to rationalize with it. _‘Why do all of the other elves in Thedas get to spend their lives with you when the one woman you’ve ever loved is kept away?’_

When the lovers are at last spent Solas remains above her. They are still joined as one, and he’s never felt so alive as he does this moment. His resolve is waning as he struggles with a choice that he’s been steadily changing as the night goes one.

She reaches up to trace the line of his ears and he catches her hand in his mouth. He trails kisses down her wrist and looks her beautiful face. But he is stilled at the sight of silvery tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I just can’t do this anymore.”

She looks over his shoulder to a point above them. She takes a shaky breath and says, “I’m ready.”

Cole’s voice comes up behind him. “Are you sure? There could be more if you only ask.”

She sniffles and her eyes close tight.

“No, I’m done. You’ve helped me with this last small dream. I just wish I could have told the real Solas how much I need him,” she says a bit stronger this time.

Solas is frozen. Does she not realize that he’s real? That he’s here with her right now? He tries to say something, anything, but the words won’t form. His mouth won’t open, and he cannot speak.

“I don’t know what spirit you found to help me with this last wish, but I thank you,” she says while stroking the real Solas’ cheek.

“Anything for you, my friend,” Cole murmurs.

Solas is acutely aware that Cole is now standing beside the bed. He does not look at him; his spirit eyes are fixed on Ellana.

Cole reaches down to Ellana’s heart, and pauses.

“What do you want to say to Solas right now?” he asks quietly.

She looks to the man above her not knowing how deep her words will cut.

“I love you, ma vhenan. I’m sorry I’m not strong enough. I can’t live without you any longer.”

What happens next is from Solas’ worst nightmare. Cole snatches that small piece of Ellana that connects to the fade and the land of the living. It’s like an invisible line that grounds all life to the mortal plane, and he snaps it as easily as a flower stalk.

Ellana’s body stiffens underneath him. Solas pulls back to see that her eyes are rolling back in her head and her body collapses like a doll with its strings cut. She is still.

“Vhenan!” Solas shouts shaking her by the shoulders, “No, wake up! Don’t leave me like this!”

Her eyes remain closed and to his horror cracks of white light bloom across her skin. She begins to ripple, and fade from existence like his friend Wisdom had done all those years ago. Solas screams in anguish, and desperately tries to grab at the fluttering pieces. But like paper that’s been curled by fire she crumples and disappears from his hands.

Rage tears through him, and he slams his fists against the headboard. He grabs the pillow her head had been on and rips it in half. White feathers rain over the bed, but he is too distracted to notice. He continues to destroy the fine Orlesian bed, and when he makes to stand up Cole steps in front of him.

“You!” he roars, “How could you do that to her? She trusted you!”

Cole stared blankly at him a moment before saying in the familiar cadence of Ellana, “Please Cole I need your help one last time. I can’t do this without you.”

Solas screams again and lunges at the spirit. He falls off the bed and crashes to the marble floor. But the floor has changed. They are no longer in a marital bedroom, but at a party at the Winter Palace. He stands uneasily and looks down to see he is dressed in the same uniform he wore on behalf of the Inquisition years ago.

Ellana is there in the crowd. She wears one of those atrocious Orlesian masks. Her face is pale and with a sickly grey hue. Her eyes speak of exhaustion and her face is painted to convey more life than she possesses. She wears a gorgeous blue gown with black and silver lace overlay. Her left sleeve is pinned up rather than left to dangle freely. The anchor. Her arm. It is all gone. Her hair is left down to curl around her face, but it only serves to emphasize how thin it has become since he saw it at the elven ruins.

Solas is astonished at how unhealthy she looks. Whenever he saw her in the Fade she was always vibrant and whole.

“She was tired,” Cole said stepping beside him. “In the Fade it was better. You made it better.”

They both watch as she nods, barely speaking to anyone that approaches her. She waves her remaining hand to ward off dance requests. When people finally leave her alone, she walks out to the balcony and sits on one of the concrete benches. She stares at the moon, and sighs while waiting for the bells to toll that it is late enough for her to leave.

“She often looked to the moon and wondered if you were looking at it at the same time. ‘Heart aching. So alone. What is there that is left for me?’,” Cole says.

“Why didn’t she go somewhere else? Clearly, she was unhappy,” Solas asks in frustration While watching the dream Inquisitor take off her mask so that her tears could flow freely.

Cole laughs humorlessly, “Go where ‘Dread Wolf’?” The formal name causes Solas to flinch. There is a sting there he wasn’t expecting from his friend.

“She tried to follow you,” Cole states, after a moment of silence passes.

Solas startles at that and looks to Cole. He is still staring at Ellana who is freely sobbing now. Her remaining hand covers her eyes, and her delicate shoulders shake.

“She found a group of elves that had heard of you. They were following your call when she was turned away,” Cole says. “She found another group a few months later, but when they stopped to camp, she awoke, and everyone else was gone.”

Solas lowers his head as he thinks on that. He had told his agents to not allow Ellana to enter his realm. He feared that she would try to stop him, or worse, that she would join him and make it that much harder for him to complete his task.

“I couldn’t let her in,” he states with measured, calm words.

Cole scoffs and folds his arms. The scene in front of them continues. Molten tears run down Ellana’s face and create trails down her throat. She looks up to the moons, and with a choked sob cries out:

“Dread wolf please take me.”

Solas’ determination is faltering, and he moves to embrace this phantom Ellana, but before he can reach her another form emerges from the shadows.

Dream Cole walks from the edge of the balcony and kneels in front of Ellana, clasping her hands in his.

“Cole I can’t do this anymore,” she gasps as the tears flow down her face. Her lips are pulled back from her teeth in a grimace as though she is holding back a scream.

She dissolves into unrestrained crying. Cole draws her into his arms and holds her tight while she sobs into his shoulder. The shade says nothing and only holds her.

“You’re so strong Ellana,” he murmurs. “You’ve healed so many hurts. Reaching across. Mindful. Meaning. Kind. There is more to be done. If you want it.”

Ellana shakes her head and pushes back from her friend. “No, I’m done fighting. I have fought for the better part of the last 5 years, and I am tired.”

Memory Cole pauses and after a moment says, “On my knees. Crushing. Pulling. Fading. Do I have the power to stand? Do I even want to?”

He bows his head and she does not respond.

“I will help you. I will take away the hurt,” he says with conviction.

After a moment he adds, “You want to see Solas one more time.”

Ellana smiles darkly at that, “What I want does not matter anymore. He is gone and he is done with me. I have accepted that.”

The spirit standing next to Solas speaks then, “Embers still there but burning low. I speak words that I do not want to be true because their truth hurts less than a lie.”

Dream Cole squeezes her hands and tips her chin up to look into his eyes, “I will help you and I will help him too.”

The scene before them ends and the two are back in the fade where they had begun this whole tragedy. The meadow no longer looks rich and inviting. The flowers are bright and garish, the stream is noxious, and the moon boils hot and angry like a sun.

“You are a spirit of compassion!” Solas yells, fists balled up. He looks like he might strike his friend. “How could you do such a thing?”

“I helped her! She asked and I helped. She feels no more pain, no more suffering. She wanted to be free and to free you,” Cole shouts back.

“You should have let me speak to her! I could have said something, anything to stop her from dying,” Solas continues to rage.

“If you succeed, she dies when the veil comes down. If you fail, she dies waiting for you. This way she doesn’t hurt anymore,” Cole snaps. “At least this way I have helped you both.”

“This helps _me_?!” Solas says with a bitter laugh.

“Yes,” Cole replies, suddenly quite serious. “Untied. Like a boat lifting it’s anchor. I can’t tear the veil if she may drown in its depths.”

Solas freezes at that thought. He _had_ been holding back. He had been desperate for Ellana to prove him wrong; to find some way to stay his hand. As those around her moved on, or focused on the impending elven army, only she was left to try to find his salvation. His heart is crushed at the idea she can no longer be hurt by his actions, but at what cost?

“What he thought was a cage was really a home. What he thought was a chain was really an embrace. In the end Fen’Harel has only betrayed himself.”

All at once Solas stands alone in the fade and somehow, he knows that it will be a long time before he sees compassion again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are thinking about suicide, are worried about a loved one or friend, or just need emotional support please call one of the following 24/7 lines.  
Remember: You are not alone and there are people out there waiting to help you get through this.
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-272-8255  
Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio: 1-888-628-9454  
National Suicide Lifeline Options for Deaf + Hard of Hearing: 1-800-799-4889  
Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-272-8255 (Text 838255)


End file.
